Thursday, November 29, 2007

MIGRATION AND SETTLEMENT OF WESTERN BANTU

INTRODUCTION.
The following is the brief introduction of the Bantu people who form the majority of African people. The information provided is the writing of scholars because there is no clear evidence given about the existence of man in Africa. It is just a speculation of writers who believe in evolution and yet God gives a clear definition and creation of man in the garden of Eden as recorded in his Holy Book the Bible. It is the only reliable written record of the history of mankind on earth. Anything outside that it is only speculation which is not yet approved.
Bantu are supposedly physically ugly and “inferior” representing “ the pygmy- prognathous which formed the first stratum of the human population in nearly all Negroe Africa. Being an underdeveloped type of anthropoid they are considered to have made little progress from the first homosapiens.
Bantu is a mixed language so to speak, descended of a Hamatic father and a Negroe mother.

ORIGIN
Beginning in the third millennium B.C from a homeland in Cameroon, Bantu peoples spread east and south into the rain forest region of Equatorial Africa. Then between 1000 and 100 B.C Bantu communities began to spread beyond the rain forest into the savanna country all around the south and east sides of the forest. Finally between 100 B.C and 500 A.D a further large expansion spread Bantu peoples across the Eastern Africa and Southern Africa.

Any history of Bantu unit is an integral part of the greater Bantu history. The implication of this is that the origin of the Bantu speaking peoples can be located through the study of any single Bantu group as long as it is possible to trace the origin of such group back into the remote past of African history. In doing so it is important to establish such group’s geographical location, the time frame and the environment in which they lived. In the light of this study the geographical location of the pro-bantu group lay between the 2nd cataract of the river Nile and the Gezira region, including Ethiopia and the land between river Atbara and Blue Nile.
BANTU EXPANSION
The Bantu expansion was a millenia long series of physical migrations, a diffusion of language and knowledge out into and in from neighboring populations, and a creation of new societal groups involving inter-marriage among communities and small groups moving tocommunities and small groups moving to new areas. Bantu-speakers developed novel methods of agriculture and metalworking which allowed people to colonize new areas with widely varying ecologies in greater densities than hunting and foraging permitted. Meanwhile in Eastern and Southern Africa Bantu-speakers adopted livestock husbandry from other peoples they encountered, and in turn passed it to hunter-foragers, so that herding reached the far south several centuries before Bantu-speaking migrants did. Archaeological, linguistic and genetic evidence all support the idea that the Bantu expansion was one of the most significant human migrations and cultural transformations within the past few thousand years.

It is unclear when exactly the spread of Bantu-speakers began from their core area as hypothesized ca. 5000 years ago. By 3500 years ago (1500 B.C.) in the west, Bantu-speaking communities had reached the great Central African rainforest, and by 2500 year ago (500 B.C.) pioneering groups had emerged into the savannahs to the south, in what are now the Democratic Republic of Congo, Angola and Zambia. Another stream of migration, moving east, by 3000 years ago (1000 B.C.) was creating a major new population center near the Great Lakes of East Africa, where a rich environment supported a dense population. Movements by small groups to the southeast from the Great Lakes region were more rapid, with initial settlements widely dispersed near the coast and near rivers, due to comparatively harsh farming conditions in areas further from water. Pioneering groups had reached modern KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa by 300 A.D. along the coast, and the modern Northern Province (formerly called the Transvaal) by 500 A.D
Between the 13th and 15th centuries relatively powerful Bantu-speaking states on a scale larger than local chiefdoms began to emerge, in the Great Lakes region, in the savannah south of the Central African rainforest, and on the Zambezi river where the Monomatapa kings built the famous Great Zimbabwe complex. Such processes of state-formation occurred with increasing frequency from the 16th century onward. They were probably due to denser population, which led to more specialized divisions of labor, including military power, while making out migration more difficult, to increased trade among African communities and with European, Swahili and Arab traders on the coasts, to technological developments in economic activity, and to new techniques in the political-spiritual ritualization of royalty as the source of national strength and health.

REASONS FOR MIGRATION FROM THEIR ORIGINAL HOMELAND
a) Growing population and need for more space.
b) Need for more land for cultivation.
c) Search for additional pastures.
d) Internal quarrels arising especially from population pressure.
e) Attacks from neighbobouring communities
f) Prevalence of diseases
g) Search for adventure


EVOLUTION OF THE WESTERN KENYA BANTU.
The Bantu of western Kenya comprise the Abaluyia, abgagusii and abakuria. Bantu presence in western Kenya stretches back to the time of earl Iron Age.
The period between 1500 and 1850 saw the migration of many Bantu clans and families from eastern Uganda into western Kenya and the emergence of the present day Abaluyia, Abagusii, and Abakuria communities. Indeed according to G.S Were the Abaluyia community did emerge as a cultural community during this period. The formation of the abaluyia entailed the fusion of the pre-1500 inhabitants of western province with those Bantu groups that arrived in the region in the 16th century and 18th centuries. The records of most of the Bantu immigration have been lost in the mist of time while only a few dominant clans still retain their emigrational traditions.
While the Bantu who lived to the north of Winam Gulf evolved into a single community (the Abaluyia) the Bantu to the south of Winam Gulf evolved into three distinct societies the Abagusii, Abakuria and Abasuba. This development attributed to the expansion of the Kenya luo, who lodged a linguistic and cultural wedge between the Abagusii and Abakuria and confined the Basuba to Rusinga and Ngodhe Islands at the entrance of Winam Gulf.
The Abagusii in particular, originally migrated into Nyanza from a homeland they identify as “Misri”(to the North of Mt. Elgon) at the beginning of the sixteenth century. Originally a cattle keeping community, Gusii economic and social institutions underwent fundamental transformation in the period between 1520 and 1755 as they established themselves in the lake region. There first settlement in Nyanza was made at Yimbo at the head of Goye Bay, but after prolonged cattle rustling conflict between them and the Luo the Abagusii eventually migrated to Kano plains where they settled between 1620 and 1755. It was this period that the Abagusii developed most of their social institutions such as sectional totems and clan sub- national structures. It was also in the lake region that the Abagusii to have acquired and perfected skills of iron technology with better iron weapons, the Abagusii were able to expand at the expense of the Kalenjins, Sirikwa, Dorobo, and Maasai into areas of present day Kericho and Gusii highlands between 1755 and 1850. This expansion into the highlands from the lowland plains around Lake Victoria necessitated a change intheir economy and society.
Originally pastoralist who undertook little cultivation and fishing in Lake Victoria, the Abagusii as they entered into the south-western highlands of Kenya began to develop an economy based largely on cultivation, although those who later occupied the lower territories of South Mugirango, Wanjare and western Kitutu retained their earlier concern with cattle. Abagusii traditions are silent on earlier on earlier occupants of the Gusii highlands, although we know from archaeological and linguistic studies that some people were living there.
To the south of the Abagusii though separated by a corridor of Luo, are the Abakuria. They inhabit the rich and undulating savanna land along the Kenya and Tanzania boarder close to Lake Victoria. It is apparent, at least from linguistic studies, that Kurialand was continuously occupied from the late stone age. In the period up to A.D 1500 Bantu speakers tended to occupy areas bordering the lake while the Southern Nilotes and southern Cushites lived on their eastern flank, in the interior. By 1700 the Bantu had expanded eastwards and had absorbed most of their neighbors. This led to the grafting of a Nilotic cyclical age- set system on the earlier Gulf Bantu clan- based social and political organization.
ABAGUSII
Political Organisation
a) Abagusii believed in one supreme God known as Engoro.
b) Elders prayed to God directly or made intercession through ancestral spirits.
c) A clan chief Omoruoti presided over a clan council.
d) Clan elders, Abagaka b’egesaku assisted the clan chief in administration.
e) A homestead was headed by a clan elder, Omogambi.
f) Junior warriors lived in ‘cattle bomas’ (ebisarate) where they cared for livestock and performed military functions.

Social organization
a) Abagusii were organized into age-grades.
b) A man joined an age- grade on circumicision.
c) Boys and girls were circumcised.
d) For greater unity a clan associated itself with a special creature or object.

Economic organization
a) Both livestock rearing and crop cultivation were important economic activities.
b) Hunting and food gathering were also practiced.
c) Certain communities had blacksmiths who made iron implements.
d) Various baskets and soapstone items were also made.
e) The abagusii traded with their neighboring communities.

ABAKURIA.
Are related to the abagusii.

THE ABALUYIA
The evolution of the Abaluyia occurred between 1200 and 1850. They are the products of interaction between Bantu immigrants from Eastern Uganda and different groups. These were the Southern Cushites, Luo, Kalenjin and Maasai.

Political organization.

The abaluyia believed in a supreme God, Were or Nyasaye
Intermediaries usually ancestral spirits, helped in praying to God.
A village was ruled by a council of elders, abenengo.
Several villages formed one big group, olukongo.
The head of lukongo (walukongo) was both political and religious leader.
The abaluyia of Wanga had a centralized political system. Its king was known as nabongo. Under him were various councils and administrators.



Social organization

Age-group was the basis of organization of the Abaluyia society at the clan level.
Boys of the same age were circumcised together to subsequently form an age group. In some clans girls were also circumcised.
Age- group performed various functions. They started as junior warriors and eventually ended as retired elders.
Economic organization
The Abaluyia were mixed farmers.
Hunting and gathering food were also significant activities.
They traded with their neighboring communities.
They manufactured iron implements and practiced pottery,clothing making and wood carving.





Reference:
Makira, F, E. (1978) An outline History of the Babukusu. Nairobi. Kenya Literature Bureau. (Afr. DT 542. M34 1998)
M’manyara, Alfred, M.(1992) The Restatement of Bantu Origin and Meru History. Nairobi. East Africa Educational Publishers.
Moss Joyce, Wilson George. (1991). People of the World: Africa South of the Sahara. (Ref. DT 352.42 M67 1991)
Ochieng, William, R (1991) Themes in Kenyan History. Nairobi. East Africa Educational Publishers. (DT 433.558 T47 1991)

CHILD REARING AMONG THE ABAGUSII COMMUNITY

INTRODUCTION
Gusii culture as a set of ideals and prototypes that continue to influence the experience and behavior of Gusii parents and children, can be characterized by its domestic model of social concept of avoidance as essential to morality
Children were born into and grew up in a physical environment rich in the norms and models that will guide them throughout the life course. The initiated men who were unmarried spent much of their time away from the homestead along with the young men from neighboring homesteads of the same riiga (localized partrilineage) in a cattle camp(egesarate)where they jointly grazed their father’s herds and defended them against raids by other Gusii class.
Each role, each state and transition in life was defined by assigned and forbidden spaces and by customary action performed in those spaces using traditional objects. The code of conduct for the homestead served as the prototype for social norms outside the homestead. The domestic group itself was divided into generations such that one acted in a restrained manner prescribed by the avoidance taboos(chinsoni) with one’s own parents and children but in a in-relaxed and familiar manner with one’s brother and sisters and grandparents and grandchildren; is applied to others of their generation and carried with them the appropriate norms of restraint or familiarity.

GUSII SICIETY AS A LEARNING ENVIRONMENT
IN pre-colonial Gusii society like most of indigenous Africa, there were no schools that there are no institutions dedicated to instructions. Only the annual male and female initiation ceremonies, specifically the period of several weeks during which newly circumcised boys and girls were secluded (separately) provided an occasion dedicated to training: older teenagers instructed the notice in the code of gender appropriate adult conduct, with an emphasis on sexual information that could not be publicly discussed. This event happening once in a person’s life during puberty in pre-colonial times and some what earlier seven to eight for girls, ten to eleven for boys from the 1940’s onward constructed a dramatic personal transition but it was regarded as the completion of his or her education on the assumption that the person had already been educated at home.

INFANCY
Infancy in Gusii can be characterized as the period between birth and weaning.When the greatest amount of attention is paid to their needs and the least effort directed toward their trainins.Health and survival of the child are the source of exiety for the parents,although this is not apparent until the child actually becomes ill.When an infant developes a diaorrheathat lasts several days the mother becomes worried and calls a medicine man (omonyamariogo)to adiminister portions orally and makes incisions on yhe child,s body.Payment may be a goat or a substituitio of the measure of the mther,s decision
Infants are particularly susceptible to the “evil eye” (okobiriria) not because they are young but because their skin is still brown and therefore delicate.Although nowadays its nolonger in place.When a child is infected small things near the child appear:grains,feathers,wool of blankets.If not removed in time,may kill the child.This evil is thought to be brought by Kipsigis women into the wives when there was a fight in Kipsigis.
When the child is infected,the parents rup his whole body wiyh clarified butter which is thought to removethe harmful materials.This process is called(okongura) must be done without talking about the evil eye.
The lack of strength and mother control manifested by all infants is attributed is put to thir (hot blood)which makes them weak and fearful of a cold environment.The only medicines used to facilitate growth are herbs given to infants during the first three months of their life to promote growth of teeth.


WEANING.
Takes place in the second and third years of life of the Gusii child. Weaning begins within two months of the time the mother discovers herself to be pregnant due to the fear that the milk may cause diarrhea or milk may be finished for the coming child.

METHODS OF WEANING

The word weaning is known as “Ogotacha”Which literally means to stamp or to step on. To stop the children from sucking used bitter substances; pepper, goat dung, juice from sour fruits on the nipples, slapping the child, burn his mouth with caustic plant juice, ignoring his cries in the day time and wearing a dress that prevents access to the breasts sending him to live with the grandmother. Giving him large amounts of solid food to make him forget the breast. The child who lives with the grandmother, for a few months during weaning is usually fed a great deal and receives much murturant attempt from her.
TOILET TRAINING AND RESPONSIBILITY.
This is an important event which takes place shortly after the birth of a younger sibling is training in sphincter control. The aim of this is to teach the child to defecate in bush by pasture some distance from the house. Urination control is the second consideration. The approximate average age for this training at 26.7 months. First the mother takes the child to uncultivated pasture near the house several times to show him the procedure.
Secondly, canes him of not following the instructions.Thirdly.the child is punished for defecating in the house even at night for he is supposed to do it day time or wake up somebody to accompany him outside at night. The amount of time the mother trains a child ranges between one week to a year but the majority one month. Proper habits concerning urination though not stressed seriously as early as bowel control are acquired by the child gradually as an adjustment of bowel and modesty training.
The period between 18 months and 3 years is one of severe punishment for the child’s infertile dependency behavior and there are beginnings of new behaviour part tens in his learning simple tasks and his orientation towards other children who he is now forced to interact more than when he was oriented towards the mother.
CHILDHOOD 3-8 YEARS.
This is the period in the life if the child from the year following his replacement by a young sibling to the time when the boy begins sleeping outside of his mother’s house and they prepare for their initiation. The period between 3 to 8 years is uninterrupted by school for hardly any Gusii child attend school.

STATUS OF THE CHILD.

The training of the child in the proper patterns of behavior takes place largely in the years between weaning and initiation. Although some of the improper behaviour of the adults are portrayed up to the time of initiation. The child is expected to show signs of his readiness by some adult-like behavior beforehand and this must be taught during childhood. the initiation of girls take place early between age 8-9 because they are said to mature early while boys it takes 10-15 years until initiation the girl is called (egesagane) and the boy is called (omoisia) which reveres as uncircumcised boy or girl. After weaning however.itis not too long before the child is at the back and call of everyone around with no one younger or more inferior for him to order about.
Indeed adults see in the behavior of individual children foreshadowing of their adult character; a trouble child will become bad while an obedient and respectful one will become good person.
SLEEPING AND EATING
Sleeping for the Gusii family is early in the evening except when there is a party going on. During this time the children are allowed to stay up during the progress of the party in the house but younger children are go to sleep early while the infants sleep in the hands of the mother.One or two of the children are usually buddle close to the mother especially when the traditional slightly raise hide corsed bed, dried mud bed is used. Nights in Gusii are so cold and it is customary to sleep naked under blankets not far from the cooking fire which burns the whole night.
The Gusii mother is considered to provide food as their primary responsibility to their children and there is evidence that food constitutes an important symbolic bond between the children and the mother.
Meal time situation provides some important lessons in the rules of the family behavior for the Gusii child. The father is served in a different pot and his food is not touched by anybody until when he takes the food and then the remains can be taken by the children. Greed children are punished by being served in a different pot and it may be small or others finish and are served again.

CLEANLINESS AND CLOTHING.
The Abagusii in general bathe infrequently and the children are not excemption.Mothers take little interest in their cleanliness as though they encourage them to bathe at the stream with their siblings and friends of the same sex.Boys who are herding cattle sometimes take off their shirts and splash around water; Girls copying their nubile sisters are somewhat more systematic about washing but do not appear to be very clean until they are initiated.
Although cleanliness is not stressed, the child learns a set of attitudes about the body at an early age. By the time the child is at the age of 3 years, he or she knows the parts of the body and he has also learnt that his parents give different names for some of these then his siblings of the same sex.the parents call the penis a tail when his friends use coarse expressions. By the age of the children have an extensive obsesses vocable lay and a euphemistic one and they have learnt that only the latter may be used in the presence of the adults.
With the respect of dress modesty is more stressed for girls than for boys Girls wear a garment which no matter how fatted covers them from the knee to navel and usually the neck as well.
When a girl wearing a dress and sitting so as to expose her genitals her mother yells and orders her to sit properly. Boys in the other hand may wear clothes which do not cover their genitals until initiation that is until ten or twelve years. They usually wear pullover shirts with long tails that reach to mid thigh.
For both boys and girls dressing involves putting a garment over the head and slipping arms and head into appropriate opening.
RELATIONSHIP TO MOTHER

Mothers have the responsibility for caring and training of all her uninitiated children. They live in the house are fed by her and look to her support and protection. If her child gets into mischief at another homestead she must face the adults of that homestead. The burden for this responsibility is even greater for widows and women whose husbands are working outside the district.
Despite the almost solitary responsibility of the mother for her children and the striking soldierly of the mother. Child unit against outsiders, Gusii mothers are overburdened with an agricultural and domestic work load which limits the attention they ca pay for their weaned children. With the exception of the older uncircumcised boy and those who go to school most children spread at least half of the day within shouting distance for the mother.
Mothers do not play with their children as the display of affection for them openly. The mother-child relationship is relatively informal allowing the most relaxed interaction between persons of adjacent generations that can be found in the Gusii social system.
SOCIALIZATION
To train children and control their behavior the mother uses fear more frequently than reward. The small child who annoys his mother by crying at night is warned ‘if you don’t stop crying, I shall open the door and call hyena to come and eat you’This helps to keep the child alarmed and disciplined with good behavior.
The method of punishment used by mothers are caning i.e. beating on the legs and buttocks with a tall weld or thin branch depriving of food reprimanding, chasing from the house overnight labor chores.
RELATIONSHIP TO SIBLINGS AND PEERS
The interaction of the child in Gusii takes place within conditions set for him by his mother. There are numerous restrictions on the extent of this association, restrictions which are gradually relaxed as the child grows older. Parents discouraged association with children who fight within the limits set by the mother the place where the child spends most of his daytime depends a good deal on whether family has cattle. This narrow range of friendship and association even for boys who herd cattle is reflected in them. Somewhat exclusive and suspicious attitude toward outsiders. Adult supervisions of children is impossible for much of the day since adults are often too far away to keep an eye on the young ones.

ACTIVITIES OF CHILDREN’S GROUPS.
The first and the largest group is that of herding cattle whereby the young boys are water herd by the adults. The boys takes the cattle very early in the morning after milking and returns home in the rate evening.In the fields the mother sends food to them and the girl who takes this food eats with them. When the boys are grazing there are less activities to do and they leave the cows to go to somebody’s garden.
The other activities away from the stream include climbing trees and trying to shoot birds with homemade sling shots. Other times the older boys jokingly insult a younger one in the same way or shoot a stone at him with his slingshot in order to provide a tassel.
A group of children which gathers in a different part of Gusii is much more amorphous and variable in its composition.Some of the children are associated mainly with siblings and one or two cousins’ interaction tends to be even less animated.

THE CONTROL OF AGGRESSION.
Parental control its implementation and evasion is a factor of primary importance in the aggressive and sexual behavior patterns of Gusii children. Mothers play an active part in the part in the resolution of aggressive encounters within children’s groups
The Gusii mother: to discourage aggressive habits in their children and to protect them from the aggressive of others, the most frequent response of mothers to physical aggression against other children by canning. Attacking one’s own sibling is not considered as a bad as doing the same to outsiders. Mothers do not try to fight every battle for their children. A child who complains to his mother of being insulted and verbally abused by peers may well be told to retaliate in kind particularly if the children are of the same age
RELATIONSHIP TO FATHER
Children do not have the intensive contact with their father that they do with their mothers. The father is always at home but leaves all the workload of caring children to the mother. The father is viewed by his child as an awesome and frightening person and with some justification. Father does not play with, fondler or praise their children and unlike mother, they do not feed them or comfort them when hurt fathers are more severe and inflexible disciplinarians than mothers
.
RELATIONSHIP TO OTHER ADULTS.
The relation of the Gusii child to other adults other than parents as for the most part explicitly patterned after the mother-child and father-child relationships, although less intense in form. Children are thought to respect all persons of the parental generation and they may be chastised by such adults who catch them misleading. Adults usually feel animal responsibility of reporting a child’s observed misbehavior if serious to hi parents. Grand parents initiates sexual joking with young children and insult including sexual abuse, flow back and forth between them in a manner which is almost related a start of age. The grand parents are observed of not punishing the children.

Training in obedience, responsibility and skills.

The good child as viewed by the Gusii parents is obedient child who does what the parents tell him without question. Obedience is considered to be the key to success in the contemporary settings and parents state that the child selected to attend school is obedient and who will do what the teacher tell him and therefore make progress in school. The training of boys in heading by their father and older siblings begins at the early age. Three year old girls are thought to carry small cans of water from the river to the house on their heads with grass rings support.
THE CONTROL OF SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
The sex play of children elicits even greater disapproval than fighting Gusii parents. The children who were found having masturbation or heterosexual are punished. The Gusii women are aware that there is secret heterosexual activity in the pastures when they sing to the girls at their initiation” you have been the wives of the uncircumcised boys: they are alluding to this activity.

TRAINING IN OBEDIENCE, RESPONSIBILITY AND SKILLS
The good child as viewed by the Gusii parents is obedient child who does what the parent tells him invariably without question. Obedience is considered to be the key to success in the contemporary setting and parents states that the child selected to attend school is the obedient who will do what the teachers tell him and thereby make progress in school.
The training of boys in herding by their father and older siblings begins at earlier age. Three year old girls are taught not to carry small pans of water from the river to the house on their heads with grass-rings supports. Girls of 7& 8 years old are usually so apprehensive of maternal punishment that they are after dropping a pot. Both boys and girls as young as three years old have been observed helping their mothers hoe a field for a shot period of time.

INITIATION
This makes the transitional stage from childhood to adulthood. In the Gusii community both boys and girls undergoes this stage
The initiation always take place during the month of December. It is the girl who decide when she would undergo initiation but in most cases the mother decide for them. Most girls want to be initiated into because the ceremonies themselves are attractive but because they desire to live the status of “little girl” (egesagane) and enter that of (anyaroka) little means and uncircumcised girl or (omoseke) and which means un married lady there are three components to the girl conscious desire for initiation : the first is that she wants to put behind the task and chores of childhood and assume those of un adult female.
REFERENCE:
LeVine, R. A., & Lloyd, B. B. (1966). Nyansongo a Gusii community in Kenya. Six cultures series, v. 2. New York: Wiley. LeVine, R. A. (1994). Child care and culture lessons from Africa. Cambridge [England]: Cambridge

Saturday, November 24, 2007

COMMMUNICATION

Six Rules for Good Communication in Marriage and Families

By Joe Beam

Marriage and family therapists not only pinpoint a lack of communication as a source of family unhappiness, they also point out that bad communication causes unhappiness. To keep that from happening in your family, let's look at some of the things that strong families have learned about good communication. Their experiences help us see how to eliminate faulty ways of communication in favor of effective ones.

Basically, strong families gave six rules for good communication.

Rule #1. Allow Enough Time

While much communication in strong families is spontaneous — "We talk while we do chores together" or "We talk anytime we're together" — some strong families plan a certain time each day for the entire family to be together to talk.

Oteka and Jerry, for example, use dinner as a time for each member of the family to share the most enjoyable experiences of the day. Other families plan special times, such as family night or family councils, for family members to share happy things, problems, and concerns with each other. These families do not shirk talking about difficult or troubling things; but at the same time, they make sure that the positive sides of life are well represented in the dialogues.

So strong families don't spend all their time communicating about problems or worries. They make time to talk about other matters of interest to every family member, both trivial and important.

Rule #2. Listen

Strong family members realize that communication involves two steps; talking and listening. They avoid the trap of focusing on talk to the exclusion of listen.

Listening strengthens the relationship between folks by conveying messages of caring and respect. Strong families increase their understanding of each other by being good, active listeners...active listeners notice facial expression, body posture, and voice tone as well as words. They nod or say "okay" or "go on" or something to indicate their attention. And really good listeners "sift," as the nineteenth-century English novelist Dinah Maria Mulock Craik expressed it: "Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a fruitful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."

Rule #3. Check It Out

Bob had been irritated all evening. He'd snapped at Ann a couple of times over nothing and had been unusually quiet the rest of the time. Of course, Ann was disturbed over this. Naturally, she felt hurt and resentful toward Bob. However, her resentment was based on the assumption that Bob's irritation and negative behavior were directed toward her.

She decided to see if Bob was really angry or upset with her or if something else was going on. She said, "Bob, you've been acting grumpy tonight. Is it because of something I've done, or is it something else? Do you feel okay?" Bob then shared with Ann that his budget had been cut at work, and because of the cut, he would have to terminate a friend who works in his office... He was not upset or angry with Ann at all. If she had not clarified the meaning of his communication, she would have misinterpreted Bob's behavior and may have reacted in a way that would only have made their evening worse.

Unclear messages can often be clarified by saying, "I'm not sure I know what you mean by that" or "This is my understanding of what you mean...Is that correct?"

Rule #4. Get Inside The Other Person's World

We each live in our own unique world. No one sees life exactly the same way you do. The way you look at a certain situation depends on past experiences you have had, the values in which you believe, and your personality characteristics. This means that when two people disagree on an issue, it is not always because one person is right and the other wrong. It is more likely due to the fact that the two people come from different worlds, with different perspectives.

Rule 5. Keep The Monsters In Late-Night Movies

Remember when you were a kid and you played the monster game with your friends? Someone would yell, "Here comes the green monster." Everybody would scream and howl and run amok. The monster game was scary but fun.

Adults also play a "here comes the green monster" game, but the adult version isn't much fun. It creates anxiety, destroys good communication, and ruins relationships.

In his book Love Busters, Dr. Willard Harley refers to these "monsters" of criticizing, evaluating, and acting superior as "disrespectful judgment." When disrespectful judgment takes place, relationships will fail. Strong families banish such "love busters" and don't allow them to destroy all the good that they've accomplished in their homes.

Rule 6. Keep It Honest

The communication patterns in strong families are characterized by honesty and openness. People say what they mean and mean what they say.

Members of strong families don't resort to bullying, outwitting, blaming, dominating, or controlling. They don't play on dependency; they aren't silent, long-suffering martyrs who create guilt. All those methods of manipulating others lead to dishonesty and shallowness in relationships.

But some folks use "honesty" as an excuse to be exceedingly unkind. Strong families maintain a balance of honesty and kindness. They aren't apt to let Sis go out in a dress and hairdo that look ridiculous just because they don't want to offend her. On the other hand, they won't use one mistake in her judgment as an excuse to blast her taste, time management, hygiene, and study habits.

The important principle is the idea that any disagreement, any thought, any aspect of human relationships can be expressed in a positive, nonjudgmental, nonhurtful way.

Kindness is more than reserving harsh or hurtful words. Sometimes it is seeing to the needs of the rest of the family before you expect them to help you with your own.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

life

Life is indeed the most excellent of all virtues. If we were to even for a single moment reflect upon Life and its trajectories, all we could be able to perceive is that Life is encompassed and has bestowed each and every one of us with excellence in each sphere and facet of this most adventurous journey called, Life. Life has always provided each and every one of us with the very best, all times, all instances, always in all ways. We should always appreciate with immense gratitude this precious gift, "Life", that we have been awarded fortunately. To Live each and every moment with Awareness, Gratitude, Responsibility and Appreciation is an Excellence by itself. We live once. Let us Live excellently, with thanks. Wish the very best for all, appreciate every moment, hope for the very best with an enthusiastic perspective whilst attending to the concerned assignments with due diligence, prudent acumen, a calibrated approach and a staunch belief that Life is Excellent, for it is truly Excellent.

think

Positive Thinking Is Not Fast FoodFast
food exists because we look for short cuts. We even look for short cuts when it comes to success and happiness. So, short cuts to success and happiness have been packaged and repackaged, over and over again, creating a multi-billion dollar industry. Positive thinking is one of the best selling of these products.Positive thinking DOES facilitate success and happiness. It CAN create opportunities or outcomes that may not have happened otherwise.How does positive thinking facilitate success and happiness? How can it improve our circumstances? Why do negative thoughts produce negative results? Is it universal forces, energy, quantum physics, spiritual guides or prayers being answered? NO! It is not.Thoughts can impact our circumstances because a thought (positive or negative) creates an idea and our subconscious stores the idea. The subconscious then causes the conscious mind to notice information related to that idea. Therefore, positive thoughts cause us to notice opportunities to pursue our goals. Negative thoughts cause us to notice problems and sabotage our success and happiness.Unfortunately, many of us may not be willing to put in the time and effort that is required to obtain the benefits of positive thinking. Instead, we look for, and buy, short cuts. Often, our hunger for instant success and happiness is so great; we consume "positive thinking fast food" products even if the ingredients are unsubstantiated or implausible. Who really knows or really understands metaphysical laws of the universe, quantum physics or non-corporeal beings? When we're fast food positive thinkers, we don't stop to think about this. We're in a hurry; we're hungry for results.The main ingredient missing in many positive thinking fast food products is "effort". Unfortunately, even when "effort" is included as an ingredient, we may pay more attention to the packaging and product distractions thereby wasting our efforts on the filler stuff. This is because the filler stuff is easier (and more fun), than the truly essential ingredient, effort.Effort involves taking personal responsibility for making things happen and taking an active role. For example, the currently popular "law of attraction" principle appeals to the lazy quality in many of us because it "glosses over" that which is really important; which is - YOU have to take responsibility to look for opportunities and YOU have to take action. Instead, proponents of the "law of attraction" tell us to focus on desiring, asking and feeling; and to rely on some aspect of quantum physics to do the work for us. There is very little mention of "doing". Accordingly, it is more likely, than not, that anyone that has achieved their goals while applying the principles of the "law of attraction" has been successful because they have also done some "doing".My point is that thinking, wanting and visualizing positive things is necessary - but it is not enough. YOU have to take an active role. YOU have to get out of bed in the morning. YOU have to get out of the house. YOU have to look for opportunities. YOU have to be open to the opportunities that YOU see. YOU have to have the courage to act. YOU have to do the work that is required. YOU have to do your best.In other words, if you really want to benefit from positive thinking, there are no fast food shortcuts. Dreaming about the delicious things you want to eat is great, but you have to shop for the ingredients and then you have to start cooking!Positive thinking is just one of the foods that promote success and happiness.

success

Positive Thought- A Strong Tool Of Success
Once upon a time there was bunch of tiny frogs that arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.The race began. Honestly, no one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of tower. You heard statements such as, "They will NEVER make it to the top. Or: Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"The tiny frogs began collapsing, one by one, except for those, who in fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher.The crowd continued to yell, "Its too difficult!!! No one will make it!"More tiny frogs got tired and gave up, but one continued higher and higher and higher. This one wouldn't give up!At the end, everyone else had given up climbing the tower, except for one tiny frog. After a big effort, he was the only one who reached the top! THEN all the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal. It turned out.... that the winner was deaf!!!! Never listen to other people tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you- the ones you have in your heart!

Friday, November 16, 2007

ENVIRONMENT

THE EFFECTS OF MILITARY ACTION ON THE ENVIRONMENT

The primary role of the Kenya Armed Forces is to guard our nation against external aggression. The role has been played effectively since 1963 when the country attained independence. Security threats however include more than external attacks from other states. The destruction of the environment is another form of aggression since it affects the resources of a nation and leads to actions that impact on the security of the citizens. Indeed, the link between the environment and security was demonstrated by the world community in 2004 when Prof. Wangari Maathai was awarded the Noble Peace Prize for her efforts I Environmental Conservation.

The tree has a very strong and positive impact on the environment. The reduction of the tree cover in this country has already resulted to a lower level of agricultural production; perennial rivers have turned to be seasonal, hydro power generation has gone down, the dams are heavily silted and our rich soil has been finding its way to the Indian Ocean.

Our country is most vulnerable to environmental change because of our high dependency in rain-fed agriculture. If no action is taken, reduced rainfall associated with environmental change could leave millions of our people facing water shortages by the first quarter of this century with knock-on effects on agricultural yields and access to shared resources.

Environmental change is a pressing poverty issue that will not only hinder achievement of the millennium development goals, but could even undo the modest gains in economic growth the country has recorded in the past few years.

As environmental change affects our very survival, we cannot therefore afford to simply fold our arms, do nothing and be crippled by the aggressor mentally and physically.

A few years back, the Kenya Armed Forces took note of the changes that were taking place in the environmental in which the soldiers live and train in. It was also noted that with the rich soil washed away we would finally have no country to protect. We therefore had to come up with a comprehensive defence policy for Kenyans. Action was needed urgently. This led to the formation of the “Armed Forces Environmental Solider Programme”. The Environmental Solider Programme is therefore aimed at protecting ourselves as citizens of this country from the negative impacts if the environmental change. Thos concept is informed by the link between security and the environment. This is a win-win situation where the fight against environmental degradation and defence against external aggression are targeted and addresses simultaneously.

In order to impact on the environment in a positive manner, the environmental solider concept, where the solider forms a partnership with the tree was modelled. This was a deliberate effort to sensitize and create awareness amongst all our soldiers on the need for total national defence. As soldiers and by extension their families fully internalized this concept, they would also become eco-warriors, defending the nation against Environmental degradation and promoting conservation and other environmental protection measures in their villages and home communities.

When the programme was first started in 2003 in the Armed Forces, seminars were conducted by environmental experts from Green Belt Movement to sensitize the military community on environmental/tree planting issues including the preparation of seedlings, transplanting and caring for trees that have been planted. The initial focus of the programme was to increase tree cover within military cantonments and training areas. Within the first two years of its inception, more than one million seedlings have been planted. To date more than 3 million seedlings have been planted in military cantonments and training areas.

In collaboration with the Ministry of Environment and Natural Resources and the Green Belt Movement, the programme has now taken a bold step and starting from last month, we have been planting trees in selected forests across the country. These are in South Imenti, Nyandarua, Kamae, Kikuyu, Dundori, Turbo, Kieni and Kwale Forest . A three week tree planting exercise was carried out between 23 October and 9th November 2007 and we had targeted one million seedlings.

During the official launch at Kamae Forest on 29th October 2007, the local community joined our soldiers in the tree planting exercise where very many trees were planted.

The mentioned forests where the tree planting exercise took place are considered major ecological zones whose watershed ecosystems need to be protected in order to forestall climate change. This tree planting exercise in endangered forests will be an annual event starting from this year and we are targeting to plant more than 2M seedlings by June 2008.

We are also moving the environmental solider to a higher level where we shall buy tree seedlings and distribute them to our soldiers who will in turn prepare and plant them back in their homes. It is hoped that the exercise will be contagious and spread like bush fire since we are drawn from all corners of this country.

In recognition of the outstanding efforts and achievements made by the soldiers in promoting tree planting in Kenya . Total Kenya Limited presented the Kenya Armed Forces with the Total Eco Challenge Gold Award in 2006 and in October 2007.

The Environmental Solider Programme initially started very modestly but it has grown in strength and is now widely acclaimed both nationally and internationally. The environmental challenges faced by Kenya , just like many other Sub Saharan countries need to be faces squarely in order to secure our future. The Kenya Armed Forces fraternity is determined to play its role of our tradition of proactive action to mobilize other sections of our society to secure our environment.

Lastly and not the least, with the environmental solider programme moving in top gear and being aimed at inspiring other members if our society to take similar actions, it is evident that soon our actions on the environment will beat fruit.

diet


Diet and Mental Development


Every student needs to understand the relation between plain living and high thinking. It rests with us individually to decide whether our lives shall be controlled by the mind or by the body. The youth must, each for himself, make the choice that shapes his life; and no pains should be spared that he may understand the forces with which he has to deal, and the influences which mold character and destiny.
Intemperance is a foe against which all need to be guarded. The rapid increase of this terrible evil should arouse every lover of his race to warfare against it. The practice of giving instruction on temperance topics in the schools is a move in the right direction. Instruction in this line should be given in every school and in every home. The youth and children should understand the effect of alcohol, tobacco, and other like poisons in breaking down the body, beclouding the mind, and sensualizing the soul. It should be made plain that no one who uses these things can long possess the full strength of his physical, mental, or moral faculties.
But in order to reach the root of intemperance we must go deeper than the use of alcohol or tobacco. Idleness, lack of aim, or evil associations, may be the predisposing
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cause. Often it is found at the home table, in families that account themselves strictly temperate. Anything that disorders digestion, that creates undue mental excitement, or in any way enfeebles the system, disturbing the balance of the mental and the physical powers, weakens the control of the mind over the body, and thus tends toward intemperance. The downfall of many a promising youth might be traced to unnatural appetites created by an unwholesome diet.
Tea and coffee, condiments, confectionery, and pastries are all active causes of indigestion. Flesh food also is harmful. Its naturally stimulating effect should be a sufficient argument against its use; and the almost universally diseased condition of animals makes it doubly objectionable. It tends to irritate the nerves and to excite the passions, thus giving the balance of power to the lower propensities.
Those who accustom themselves to a rich, stimulating diet, find after a time that the stomach is not satisfied with simple food. It demands that which is more and more highly seasoned, pungent, and stimulating. As the nerves become disordered and the system weakened, the will seems powerless to resist the unnatural craving. The delicate coating of the stomach becomes irritated and inflamed until the most stimulating food fails of giving relief. A thirst is created that nothing but strong drink will quench.
It is the beginnings of evil that should be guarded against. In the instruction of the youth the effect of apparently small deviations from the right should be made very plain. Let the student be taught the value of a simple, healthful diet in preventing the desire for unnatural stimulants. Let the habit of self-control be early
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established. Let the youth be impressed with the thought that they are to be masters, and not slaves. Of the kingdom within them God has made them rulers, and they are to exercise their Heaven-appointed kingship. When such instruction is faithfully given, the results will extend far beyond the youth themselves. Influences will reach out that will save thousands of men and women who are on

love



Is It True Love?
True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character from that love which is awakened by impulse and which suddenly dies when severely tested.
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True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. On the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. It looks beyond mere externals and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding.
Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind.Mildness, gentleness, forbearance, long-suffering, being not easily provoked, bearing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things--these are the fruit growing upon the precious tree of love, which is of heavenly growth.

discipline

Meeting Life's Discipline

One of the first lessons a child needs to learn is the lesson of obedience. Before he is old enough to reason, he may be taught to obey. By gentle, persistent effort, the habit should be established. Thus, to a great degree, may be prevented those later conflicts between will and authority that do so much to create alienation and bitterness toward parents and teachers, and too often resistance of all authority, human and divine.
The object of discipline is the training of the child for self-government. He should be taught self-reliance and self-control. Therefore as soon as he is capable of understanding, his reason should be enlisted on the side of obedience. Let all dealing with him be such as to show obedience to be just and reasonable. Help him to see that all things are under law, and that disobedience leads, in the end, to disaster and suffering. When God says "Thou shalt not," He in love warns us of the consequences of disobedience, in order to save us from harm and loss.
Help the child to see that parents and teachers are representatives of God, and that, as they act in harmony with Him, their laws in the home and the school are also His. As the child is to render obedience to parents and

relation of Dress to education

No education can be complete that does not teach right principles in regard to dress. Without such teaching, the work of education is too often retarded and perverted. Love of dress, and devotion to fashion, are among the teacher's most formidable rivals and most effective hindrances.
Fashion is a mistress that rules with an iron hand. In very many homes the strength and time and attention of parents and children are absorbed in meeting her demands. The rich are ambitious to outdo one another in conforming to her ever-varying styles; the middle and poorer classes strive to approach the standard set by those supposed to be above them. Where means or strength is limited, and the ambition for gentility is great, the burden becomes almost insupportable.
With many it matters not how becoming, or even beautiful, a garment may be, let the fashion change, and it must be remade or cast aside. The members of the household are doomed to ceaseless toil. There is no time for training the children, no time for prayer or Bible study, no time for helping the little ones to become acquainted with God through His works.

There is no time and no money for charity. And often the home table is stinted. The food is ill selected and hastily prepared, and the demands of nature are but partially supplied. The result is wrong habits of diet, which create disease or lead to intemperance.
The love of display produces extravagance, and in many young people kills the aspiration for a nobler life. Instead of seeking an education, they early engage in some occupation to earn money for indulging the passion for dress. And through this passion many a young girl is beguiled to ruin.
In many a home the family resources are overtaxed. The father, unable to supply the demands of the mother and the children, is tempted to dishonesty, and again dishonor and ruin are the result.
Even the day and the services of worship are not exempt from fashion's domination. Rather they afford opportunity for the greater display of her power. The church is made a parade ground, and the fashions are studied more than the sermon. The poor, unable to meet the demands of custom, stay away from church altogether. The day of rest is spent in idleness, and by the youth often in associations that are demoralizing.
At school, the girls are by unsuitable and uncomfortable clothing unfitted either for study or for recreation. Their minds are preoccupied, and the teacher has a difficult task to awaken their interest.
For breaking the spell of fashion, the teacher can often find no means more effective than contact with nature. Let pupils taste the delights to be found by river or lake or sea; let them climb the hills, gaze on the sunset glory, explore the treasures of wood and field; let them learn the pleasure of cultivating plants and flowers; and the importance

of an additional ribbon or ruffle will sink into insignificance.
Lead the youth to see that in dress, as in diet, plain living is indispensable to high thinking. Lead them to see how much there is to learn and to do; how precious are the days of youth as a preparation for the lifework. Help them to see what treasures there are in the word of God, in the book of nature, and in the records of noble lives.
Let their minds be directed to the suffering which they might relieve. Help them to see that by every dollar squandered in display, the spender is deprived of means for feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and comforting the sorrowful.
They cannot afford to miss life's glorious opportunities, to dwarf their minds, to ruin their health, and to wreck their happiness, for the sake of obedience to mandates that have no foundation in reason, in comfort, or in comeliness.
At the same time the young should be taught to recognize the lesson of nature, "He hath made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11, R.V. In dress, as in all things else, it is our privilege to honor our Creator. He desires our clothing to be not only neat and healthful, but appropriate and becoming.
A person's character is judged by his style of dress. A refined taste, a cultivated mind, will be revealed in the choice of simple and appropriate attire. Chaste simplicity in dress, when united with modesty of demeanor, will go far toward surrounding a young woman with that atmosphere of sacred reserve which will be to her a shield from a thousand perils.
Let girls be taught that the art of dressing well includes

the ability to make their own clothing. This is an ambition that every girl should cherish. It will be a means of usefulness and independence that she cannot afford to miss.
It is right to love beauty and to desire it; but God desires us to love and to seek first the highest beauty-- that which is imperishable. The choicest productions of human skill possess no beauty that can bear comparison with that beauty of character which in His sight is of "great price."
Let the youth and the little children be taught to choose for themselves that royal robe woven in heaven's loom --the "fine linen, clean and white" (Revelation 19:8), which all the holy ones of earth will wear. This robe, Christ's own spotless character, is freely offered to every human being. But all who receive it will receive and wear it here.
Let the children be taught that as they open their minds to pure, loving thoughts and do loving and helpful deeds, they are clothing themselves with His beautiful garment of character. This apparel will make them beautiful and beloved here, and will hereafter be their title of admission to the palace of the King. His promise is:
"They shall walk with Me in white: for they are worthy." Revelation 3:4.